It’s Not About the Money. It’s About the Mindset.

Everyone loves the idea of “growing together” in a relationship—until the growth involves budgeting spreadsheets, awkward conversations about debt, and deciding whether your “fun money” covers Taco Bell or therapy.

Spoiler: both are valid.

But here’s the truth—growing together financially isn’t about hitting some arbitrary net worth by age 35. It’s about building trust, aligning values, and actually enjoying the ride without one of you quietly resenting the other for buying a $38 succulent arrangement named Denise.

#GOALS

If you’re wondering what financial growth *actually* looks like in a relationship, especially when life (and income) isn’t linear, you’re in the right place.

Step 1: Define What “Growth” Looks Like for Both of You

One person might define growth as becoming debt-free. The other might think it’s maxing out a Roth IRA. Another person just wants to not panic at the grocery store.

You’re not going to grow together if you’re climbing two different mountains.

So have the conversation. Ask:

• What does financial success look like for us in 1 year? 5 years?
• What habits do we want to build now to make that happen?
• What are we each afraid of financially?

You don’t need a TED Talk. You need clarity.

You’d be amazed how many couples are fighting about *how* to save money when they’ve never even agreed *why* they’re saving it in the first place.

Step 2: Build the Budget That Fits *You*

Financial growth doesn’t mean copy-pasting someone else’s budget template and hoping it sticks. It means building something custom for your actual life, your income, and your spending personality.

If you’ve never budgeted together before, I highly recommend reading this post on budgeting without sharing logins. It’s a lifesaver if one of you is spreadsheet-obsessed and the other breaks out in hives at the word “categorize.”

Here’s what works:

• A shared system for joint expenses (rent, groceries, utilities)
• Separate money for personal spending—no judgment, no micromanaging
• Agreed-upon goals (paying down debt, building an emergency fund, saving for a trip)

You don’t have to merge every dollar. You just have to merge direction.

Step 3: Celebrate Milestones (Even Tiny Ones)

Paid off a credit card? That’s a champagne moment.

Saved your first $500 emergency fund? Light a candle and name it Denise II.

Financial growth thrives on momentum—and momentum thrives on milestones. If you only celebrate the big stuff (like buying a house), you’ll miss out on all the little wins that actually built your stability.

We use printable trackers in our budget binder and color in bricks or hearts every time we hit a small goal. Is it cheesy? Yes. Is it wildly effective? Also yes.

Step 4: Create a Safe Space for Financial Honesty

Growth doesn’t happen if one of you is hiding credit card balances or pretending everything is fine while quietly drowning.

If one person feels unsafe bringing up money, the other person becomes an accidental gatekeeper—and then the trust crumbles.

Make it a routine:

• Monthly “money check-ins” over coffee (or wine, if needed)
• Clear rules for bringing up money stress without shame
• Permission to say “I messed up” without a three-hour lecture

Financial respect means believing your partner is a capable human—not a problem to solve. For more on this dynamic, check out this breakdown of control vs. respect in financial decision-making.

Step 5: Learn Together, Not Separately

Financial growth isn’t “one of us gets obsessed with investing while the other zones out and scrolls Instagram.” It’s shared curiosity.

Some ideas:

• Pick one money book to read together per year
• Watch a YouTube video or free webinar each month
• Try new tools and compare notes (Chime, Robinhood, Webull)

Even if one of you is the financial nerd and the other is just here for moral support, growing together means *being in the room*.

Step 6: Know That Growth Isn’t Linear (Especially with Money)

There will be months you feel like you’re crushing it—extra savings, zero fights, a surprise bonus.

And there will be months where the car dies, the dog gets sick, and you’re suddenly arguing about toothpaste again.

That’s not failure. That’s real life.

Financial growth is like compound interest—it builds slowly, then suddenly. You just have to stay in the game long enough to see the results.

Step 7: Don’t Compare Your Relationship’s Net Worth to Someone Else’s Highlight Reel

Social media will have you thinking that every couple is on a 3-week honeymoon in Greece, owns matching Teslas, and has perfectly color-coded grocery hauls.

Meanwhile, you’re trying to figure out why your water bill doubled and whether $9 strawberries are a moral failing.

Here’s a hot take: financial growth doesn’t always look “Instagrammable.” Sometimes it looks like choosing Aldi instead of Whole Foods. Sometimes it looks like canceling a trip to pay off a bill. Sometimes it looks like saying no to friends and feeling awkward but proud.

If you struggle with that last part, do yourself a favor and read this post on how to say no to social spending. Trust me—it’ll save your wallet *and* your friendships.

Step 8: Future-You Needs Present-You to Be a Team

Financial growth doesn’t mean you never fight about money. It means you *learn how* to fight about money—without it becoming a crisis.

It’s the difference between:

• “Why do you always spend so much on Amazon?”
• vs. “Can we figure out how to adjust our budget so we both feel heard?”

You don’t have to get it perfect. But you do have to stay on the same side of the table—even when the numbers feel tight.

Bottom Line: Growing Together Isn’t About Wealth. It’s About Alignment.

You can be broke and still grow together. You can be thriving financially and still feel stuck if you’re not aligned.

So check in. Clarify your goals. Build a rhythm that works for your weird, beautiful, messy life.

Because the couples who grow together? They don’t just build wealth. They build trust. And that pays dividends forever.